Ear We Go!

Sunday

The much trumpeted telephone alarm sounds at 2:59, giving Mrs M and I a sixty second head start in the fight to save ourselves from extinction. I had debated whether to linger in a crowded garden centre just to hear the mobiles go off in tandem but Mrs M and I are now on the way home. As it is, and from what I’ve since heard, they are probably beeping at many different times within the plants and garden furniture sections. Meanwhile, those on the Three network will be blissfully unaware of their impending doom. As for Spurs fans, they think they’ve conceded another goal, being five down already at Newcastle United.

Monday

#Mondaymemories 

We are in Stockton Heath for the fitting of my new hearing aids. Suddenly I am able to hear in surround sound after 56 years in a mono world. Mrs M is watching on from my former quiet side and I’m able to hear her clearly. As I leave the shop a couple of high powered motorbikes rev up and roar along London Road. VERY LOUD! Both aids and I survive this first test. As I grow into them I notice differences normally insignificant, everyday sounds stand out such as the indicator in the car, the click of snooker balls. The evening television volume is eleven when not too long ago it was sixty.

Tuesday

I am at Cuddington Bowling Club in the afternoon. As I bend over to bowl my first jack the hearing aids mercifully stay in place. These are damn good. I swear I hear someone drop a pin in the house next door. Fortunately, I don’t drop any clangers and get my first win on this picturesque green. 

Wednesday

‘Let’s watch Blue Peter.’ Just to put it into context we are with the grandchildren, not wishing to sadly relive our childhood on our own. I find an edition on Iplayer and the four of us settle down to watch. It’s the young ‘uns introduction to the iconic programme. How will they react?  Within the first five minutes we are straight into a craft demonstration (making a Tardis from a fruit juice carton) with sticky backed plastic and, of course… cue drum roll …’here’s one that I made earlier’. 

For the six year old the space feature is particularly absorbing. Typical of today’s media output BP is rather more of an assault on the senses than the classic black and white shows from the sixties. No manner of modern gadgetry or technical brilliance, however, will outdo the memory of Lulu the elephant ‘performing’ in the studio in 1969.

Thursday

The bowls fixture list takes us to Altrincham Borough for an evening match . I am being blitzed in quick fashion, 13-2 down, as we arrive at the far corner of the green for the first time. My opponent detects drugs in the air, a smell that always ‘gets to him’, apparently. 

As a simple lad from the country I wouldn’t know what drugs smell like but there is certainly a peculiar aroma, likely from one of the terraced houses just behind the green. I begin to plot a way of getting back into the game by focusing on this corner. 13-2 down turns to 15-13 to me. Is there something in this plan of action? Victory over a drug-affected opponent, now that would be a first. He got there in the end, 21-17. 

Friday

Off to Grappenhall for another gentle wellbeing triathlon-birdwatching, strolling and chat. It’s the first with my new hearing equipment and the birdsong is coming through loud and clear. There is an amazing difference. We discuss the habits of a song thrush, see and hear chiff chaff and stand looking up absorbed by the activities of the herons high in the trees on and around their nests.

Heron picture courtesy of James

Jan’s app notes the songs of eight different species as we stop for our now regular ten minute ‘at one with nature’ experience. This week I choose the spot, along a path between rich green foliage. It is a favourite of mine. We stand at peace with the world listening to a variety of beautiful birdsong coming through the trees. A cup of coffee and ginger biscuit goes down well.

We are at friends for the evening, the same house where recently I struggled to hear anyone. Now I can confidently sit with someone on my former duff side and hear clearly. It feels good.

I apologise for the repeated references to the main subject but it has been an exciting week. I’ve often been accused of selective hearing. Now I’ve no excuse.